“The Sleep In My Eyes” primarily deals with themes related to memory, trauma, and identity as it is formed by the circumstances that affect our family units. This body of work focuses on my personal experiences while simultaneously examining the topics within them that relate to more extensive problems affecting broader populations. This specific body of work is centered around the sudden discovery of my mother's long term addiction and how this knowledge has affected my perception of my childhood memories, my family’s dynamics, and my relationship with my mother. She had successfully kept it hidden from me up until my adulthood so this knowledge created a sudden sense of clarity about her declining mental and physical health over the years. However, it also changed how I perceived my own upbringing and brought about an entanglement of feelings that I did not know how to process at the time. With this work, I hoped to visualize my perspective on the situation in a way that allowed me to effectively communicate my feelings with my mother. It also helped me connect with others who had similar experiences.
By growing salt crystals on my family photographs and objects reminiscent of my childhood, I am exploring how this knowledge of my mother’s addiction has affected how I see my own memories and the relationships within my family. The salt is a symbol for the destruction substance abuse brings about in the lives of those who suffer from addiction and their close friends and family, but its beauty is also felt symbolic of the healing I hoped to bring about with the project as well.
As a young woman the relationship between my mother and grandmother had always greatly influenced my identity. For as long as I could remember, their relationship had been tumultuous and full of resentment toward one another. I always found myself acting as a bridge between them, being pulled both ways, and manipulated into picking sides. When I started this project they hadn't spoken directly to each other in nearly a decade.
During the production of this project I began to understand each of us as individuals and the complicated relationship between the two women who had made such a large impact on my life. I always drew strength from their unconditional love and support and have been empowered by their ability to persevere through extremely trying times. This work provided them with an opportunity to communicate in a new way and brought them back together through their mutual support for me. They spoke for the first time in years and started to slowly mend their relationship.
Gum printing is an alternative photographic process that uses watercolor pigments and dichromate to make an exposure.